Odds and Sods: Men To Avoid – The Practical One

There is a system for everything and he’s going to tell you all about it.

Case number: 018

Title: The Practical One

Also known as: The Predictable One

You know he's The Practical One because: He’s the one who always plans ahead. While his friends are sneakily checking Facebook in-between meetings, he can be found summarising his ISA and assessing global economy. He’s not boring, just very practical. Yes, very practical.

He’s the one who will know exactly how to split the bill at the end of an evening and will always have a pocket-sized umbrella on him just in case the weather turns. It’s almost like he’s too perfect. Life is so smooth for him, with is career plan, life plan and pension plan. Weather it’s a trip to Morocco or a trip to Morrisons, there is an itinerary for everything. Everything has its place, everything requires a list and life flows fluidly with the aid of a list.

Oh yes, you can always depend on The Practical One.

Traits: You can count on him to have organised every aspect of your holiday. He will know the times of the next ferry to the little island, the range of water sports available and the bars that serve the best cocktails.

This level of organisation becomes a little frustrating, however, when you just fancy having a quiet evening in rather than sticking to the plan. Why you have to follow the itinerary to the letter when all you want to do is spend some time lazing around by the pool and snuggling up with your man becomes a matter of contention.

Back in Blighty, your relationship becomes part of a consistent structure. The Practical One has taken care of the bills, set up the joint account and is already thinking about the kids’ education before you’ve even had a chance to buy yourself a matching duvet set for your flat. The thing is, you want some spontaneity, a little romance. What you get is a man who is easily irritated by your lack of organisational skills and woos you with his emergency poncho in case it rains.

Most likely to say: ‘I always have a spare toothbrush, just in case.’, ‘We appear to have veered away from the plan’, ‘Don’t worry, we can do what you want to do after we’ve done this first.’

Typical conversation:

Girlfriend: ‘Where are you taking me tonight?’

The Practical One: ‘We’re going to see your mum and dad, then I’m taking you to Mama Mia Pizzeria, followed by some drinks in the Queen’s and home for 11ish. Oh, is that a scuff on your patent shoes? I’ll get that out in a jiffy with my trusty polish.’

What The Practical One Means: ‘I’m taking control of tonight because it makes sense to see your parents as you mustn’t neglect them, pasta will fill you up so that you can handle your alcohol and we’ll have no more than a couple in the Queen’s anyway because it is a school night, after all. And don’t worry,
I’m always prepared. You’ll never have a scuffed shoe again.’

Famous Practical One Character: Think Mark from Peep Show or Ross from Friends

Toxic boy rating: This one means well, but he’s just sooo dull! 6/10

Verdict: There is a structure for everything except love. Never forget this!