Bloke's Column: Christopher Hatherall

Male, 32, v v hairy with GSOH, seeks reader of discernment and depth, with a penchant for the poetry of life. Must have a kind heart, love movies, a GSOH, and the ability to pay attention. Must also be willing to BATHE me. (please see pic ;-)

A recent conversation with an acquaintance regarding her new man led me to realise the importance of courage in the beginning of a relationship.

Certainly, initially approaching that unknown beauty or beast at the bar takes balls…Cajones…A double-packed slingshot of self-assurance. Or a fuck load of booze. Either way, courage is the virtue required. But the level of courage required after the ice is broken - when the feelings begin to bubble during that awkward period that becomes the do-they-like-me-like-I-like-them wondering time - is courage of honesty and belief rather than inebriation.

She manifested this point by agonising over the where’s and why’s and who-should-call-firsts. Despite proclaiming that she “really liked” this guy, such statements as “I don’t want to look the fool so he should call first,” still launched from her lips like it was some standard adult response, rather than a new-term schoolyard statement designed to impress spotty ugly urchins that were less fortunate in the getting-a-boyfriend stakes during the summer holidays. Some call it ‘the game’. And she was most definitely making the rules.

Aside from wondering whether it remained, despite our progressive society, the gentleman’s duty to express his feelings first, I also wondered who she thought would be looking at her being foolish. After all, I couldn’t see it being the top story on London Tonight, or the following day being splashed across the gossip pages of the London Lite next to that shot of Peaches Geldoff sprawled on a curb.

So I gently offered her the idea that sacrificing yourself on the altar of foolishness was integral to any burgeoning relationship and, to illustrate my point, referred to a moment in the 1997 film Out of Sight:

Thief George Clooney is trying to persuade US Marshall Jennifer Lopez that their mutual attraction deserves a chance to progress despite their obvious moral opposition. He employs an analogy to demonstrate the tragedy of inaction. Two strangers walk down the street, catch each others eyes, and in a moment this shared recognition exists beyond all else…yet they both walk on by without saying a word. Their mutual attraction lost to a lack of courage. In my mind, with this speech George lays himself out there as a fool for love, at the mercy of Lopez.

The acquaintance replied with a “yeah, but what if…” response that, if I could recall it, wouldn’t merit a mention.

Having the courage to say ‘yes, I like you’ to someone new, despite the fear that they may not say it back, is fundamental to finding love. This courage is not enough to sustain and develop a relationship, but it’s integral to its foundation. I thought that most adults naturally accepted this. But then as my acquaintance has proven, sadly, perhaps they don’t.

Seriously though, Hun, just fucking call him.