Odds and Sods: Men To Avoid – The Insecure One

He needs to know he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you. All. The. Time.

Case number: 009

Title: The Insecure One

Also known as: The Haunted One

You know he's The Insecure One because: He’s been wounded in the past by those nasty, heartless girls. Every single one of them has hurt his iddy biddy heart and as a result he spends his days requiring a multitude of compliments, reassurances and attention.

Tiring stuff for anyone in his life, but especially awful for his current squeeze because he calls so often asking where you are and whether you still love him. You tell him until you can’t say it anymore without feeling the urge to throttle him.

If you tell him where you are, where you plan to go and that you love him all the while, it’s still not good enough for him.

Traits: The ghosts of girlfriends past swirl around your relationship, chipping away at your last nerve. He asks you to do things because you love him, develops a bizarre whiney voice whenever he wants to get his own way and can’t bear to venture
to the same cinema that he and Sarah the fit blonde went to once three years ago, for fear of bringing old memories to the fore.

Quite possibly the worst trait of all, however, is the need to know where you are at all times. Because Sarah the fit blonde cheated on him before, he becomes convinced that you too will desert him for a gym instructor called Dave who looks a bit like
Brad Pitt if you squint.

So he wants you to tell him that you are going to be home at 6pm on the dot and will call repeatedly should you not be there on time. You had a flat tyre, the tube was out of action or you forgot to buy milk and had to go back – he doesn’t care. He
needs you with him all the time, on time. Always.

Most likely to say: ‘If you love me, you’ll do it’, ‘You do love me, don’t you?’, ‘When will you be here?’

Typical conversation:

Girlfriend: ‘I’m going out with the guys from work tonight, will you be ok to fix your own dinner?’

The Insecure One: ‘I s’pose so.’

What The Insecure One Really Means: ‘I can, but if you leave me tonight it means you love your work people more than me. No one else can have you. And if you loved me, you’d come straight home and cook for me.’

Celebrity Insecure Ones: Peter Andre, Spencer Pratt

Toxic boy rating: You should only have to answer to your mother – 9/10

Verdict: It’s difficult enough being an ordinary girlfriend, but having to atone for the sins of the ones that have gone before you is just plain unfair.