Odds and Sods: Men To Avoid - The Mummy’s Boy

He must grow up sometime. He has to.

Case number: 008

Title: The Mummy’s Boy

Also known as: The Perpetual Adolescent

You know he's The Mummy’s Boy because: Bless his heart, this one just does not know where the kitchen is. Or, he does, but he only goes in there to pinch some Dairylea Dunkers from the fridge. He’s stuck at the age of 15, a time when all boys are old enough to know how to cook for themselves but are that busy being mummy’s golden boy that they leave it all to her.

This is fine, if he is actually 15. But it wears a bit thin when you find yourself waiting hand and foot on a 27 year old. Asked to make a cup of tea, he simply stretches out on the couch and waits for someone else to do it. Returning from work to find the house looking like Hurricane Bill has hit every night also wears a little thin after a year.

Like some sort of Oedipal nightmare, you realise that you moved in with him because he’s meant to be the love of your life, but you have become a mother replacement.

Traits: The Mummy’s Boy is that used to being waited on hand and foot that he just does not get why you are so constantly frustrated. He pretends he can’t hear you, expects you to clean up after him and sulks like a child if you tell him to grow up.

He has been known to click his fingers, although if you let him get to this stage then you are at the point of no return.

Most likely to say: ‘While you’re up, could I have a brew?’, ‘What do you mean, my undies are clean on me off the floor’, ‘I’m just so tired I don’t think I could possibly move to put my dish in the sink.’

Typical conversation:

Girlfriend: ‘Can you tidy the living room? My parents are coming round.’

The Mummy’s Boy: ‘Of course, babe.’

What The Mummy’s Boy Really Means: ‘Of course not. I’m just going to sit here and watch Match of the Day and wait for you to get in. As usual you will shout and yell, then you will clean up my mess.’

Celebrity Mummy’s Boys: Liam and Noel Gallagher; Robbie Williams

Toxic boy rating: Taking the spoilt brat thing to a whole new level – 8/10

Verdict: He makes Oedipus look normal. You need a man, not a child.