A Week in the Life of...

It's been a funny week for me. I jetted over to Europe on my hols only to immediately be confronted by my girlfriend's unrestrained demands for domestic Utopia upon my return.

It seems the catalyst of the controversy was a demand for new bed sheets. My penchant for eating in bed had finally run its course as I had proved incapable of eating the smallest of snacks without 'crumbing' (apparently a verb in her homeland).

Despite my protestations, I was not to be trusted, and had to make a trip to M&S for my troubles. But that was just the beginning. If only I had known what a Pandora's box of bourgeois desire my clumsy eating habits would open.

In the frenetic scramble for soft furnishings and crockery the rules of our relationship changed. What had previously been one of my greatest attributes - an ability to think whimsically about the most mundane and turgid topics - was no longer appreciated by a woman hell bent on achieving the unattainable bliss held within a Habitat catalogue.

All I had been pondering was the origin of the 'Tog' system of gauging of duvet thickness. I imagined some eighteenth century draper, Samuel Tog, always traveling, but never quite sure how thick his bed clothes would be on arrival at a new town. "If only," he mused "there was some pre-ordained arbitrary measure of duvet thickness that would ensure my bedclothes were adequately warm without weighing me down."

Yes, a bit out there, but to me the concept of the 'Tog' was pretty funny. It's like a socially pedantic Richter scale for fussy sleepers. Even how it could possibly be measured seems absured. But then later I read that Derek Acorah (pictured above) would be hosting a live seance to bring back Michael Jackson and I got a little perspective.

I could console myself that as the event would feature on Sky at least I wouldn't be paying for it. Which is just as well, as it seems our taxes are already being eaten away by a bunch of useless nonsence. That's the view of the Taxpayers Alliance anyhow, who claim to stand for the average man on the street, defending him from beaurocrats wasting his hard earned cash.

Pity then, that the Guardian this week announced that the majority of donors to this new and relatively shady NGO are some of the top earners in the country and the main contributors to David Cameron's Conservative party. Hmmmmmmmm. Right. It's as if an investigation into the bulumia alliance discovered it was secretly funded by Dunkin Donuts.

If you look deeper into the rhetoric, you discover the Taxpayers Alliance is nothing more than a bunch of wealthy morons campaigning to ditch the public services some desperately rely on in order to pay less tax - see the real facts here. But then, in six months time, no one may be able to stop this from becoming our country's political reality.

Luckily I have a 16 Tog duvet to hide under when the Tory nightmare begins.