This Week In The News

This week our great nation pledged its votes to a group of useless and ineffective souls whose intelligence barely meets the amount required to change a duvet cover.

I speak not of the Euro elections, but the return of Big Brother to our screens. The fact that the show is still so popular in the UK is as embarrassing as a trip through the Carradines' family album.

Speaking of the Euros however, the inevitably misanthropic turnout earned dividends for newly elected fascist ape-warrior Nick Griffin. However, the bumbling racist was hilariously pelted with eggs as he fled a press conference at Westminster this week. Reports state his nerves were fried but his bodyguards managed to scramble him to safety (I don’t know who to boo more - Nick or my own jokes).

One noteworthy positive result from the elections came from Sweden though, where the Pirate Party earned itself a seat at the Euro gravytrain. Formed in the wake of the Pirate Bay trial and the subsequent arrests over file sharing, the pirates captured an astonishing 7% of the vote. They stand for a reform of copyright law and freedom of information, (as well as the rape and pillage of file sharing plunder, aaaarrrrh!).

How refreshing to see the Euros predilection to favour fringe parties pay off for an intelligent party with articulate aims - rather than UKIP and the BNP who are about as useful as a dormouse baked in a seeded batch.