This Week In The News

Jordan and the Funny One

Riiiiight, so some talentless celebs just happen to have a epoch ending spurious row that conveniently coincides with the last episode of their TV show…

Hmmm… a few Heat covers in this then.

The Mirror has printed a word for word account of the row, however, which reads like a glorious parody of the entire D-list merry-go-round culture. And indeed, if my cynicism is misplaced there is something rather poetic about this vacuous pair splitting over the some random LA clothier not recognizing either of them.

One particular exchange went like this: -

K: You’re a f****** c***, I can’t stand you.
P: You can see what kind of a stupid, miserable, arrogant cow she is.

That’s the first sensible thing they’ve said for three and a half years.

BAE Delusions

The largest arms dealer in Europe, British company BAE Systems has launched a new marketing wave this week, to highlight its involvement in UK universities.

Why is this strange, you may ask? Well it seems the students are not quite as proud as BAE are - the last few months have seen the biggest student insurrections for decades, with a particular focus on removing any arms company investment and influence.

Several universities have been forced to sell their shares in BAE as a result of direct action from their students, who believe profiting from war is wrong.

(Without mentioning the six corruption investigations BAE is currently being subjected to across the world – which make it hardly a great ambassador for British business practices).

Tory Expense Crisis

Ahh the sweet sound of righteousness. After weeks of Tory moans and complaints we are finally through the looking glass and can see how barren the opposition’s claims of morality are. It all makes British politics a bit like choosing a kebab house. You know they’re all dirty and a little bit curt, but how else are you going to keep your own bile down?

And indeed who would you rather be in the eyes of the public, Labour, who blagged a fiver for a porno, or this lot who’s claims include two grand to clear a moat? That’s right a bloody moat…. who even still has a moat? Someone tell Douglas Hogg that the Vikings grew up… they make flat-pack furniture now; rape and pillage just doesn’t cut it when compared to the lucrative coffee table market.

Other notable toff jobs for the boys include the hanging of Sir Michael Spicer’s chandelier and £380 worth of gardening manure, but even that doesn’t stink as much as this tax fiddle. (If you think that joke’s bad all I can say is: Give me cider I’ll make apples, I don’t write the news).

Now, I’m not sure anyone has a lot of faith left in poor old Gordon, but this episode should make the true colours of our high-minded opposition clear.