The Downside of Coupling Up At Christmas

It is a natural assumption when faced with repetition that the relationship grass may be greener on the other side, and there’s nothing like Christmas to bring out this feeling.

If you’re single but pining for some lovin’ rather than revelling in your solo status, you’re probably hoping that Christmas will deliver a present of a new boyfriend/girlfriend or even a temporary festive fling.

Those in relationships, however, are most likely longing to re-live that nervous/butterfly feeling (before a date, when text flirting) and more than likely missing the freedom of being able to do whatever the heck you like during the party season.

It seems at Christmas, all the magazines rant on about is being 'Lonely at Christmas‘, ‘How to get a date at Xmas' or how to 'Be a Sexy Singleton' whilst the only advice on offer to the paired up is what to buy your loved one in various holiday gift guides.

For me, being in a relationship at Christmas is proving extremely complicated and I am becoming increasingly envious of the simplicity of single life. Here’s why.

Will You Come To Mine For Christmas?

I always knew the day would come when I would spend Christmas away from my family, but I always thought I would feel ready (and eager) and as if the appropriate time had arrived. My presumption was that I would be living out one of my lifelong dreams, -experiencing an alternative Christmas with shrimp on the barbie gazing at an golden Aussie scape (or a beachy haired, sculpted surfer Adonis) or if not on the sand, with a partner (The One, of course) in our first home, feeling grown up, excited and mucking in together to host our first festivities.

Alas, life doesn't tend to pan out exactly how you imagine or hope it would. I have been with my boyfriend for a few years now, having met in the first month of university (throwing my plans to be debauched and rebellious completely out of the window!). Since finishing our degrees and separating to our family homes (located five hours worth of travel apart) we have struggled through a long distance relationship and seeing each other no more than twice a month.

So as the Christmas period loomed, which now seems to start in October thanks to Marks & Spencer and Iceland adverts, the awkward question started to pop up: “Will you come to mine for Christmas?”

After many clever dismissals and change of subjects, I was faced with that puppy eyed look which meant it was time to seriously discuss it. I anxiously explained that I felt Christmas was a time for family, that perhaps the trains wouldn't be running, that my ailing grandmother would be disappointed, that I would feel guilty leaving my Mum to do all the work... I left out another important factor: as a lover of food, nothing compares to my Mum and Dad’s cooking: their crispy on the outside fluffy on the inside roast potatoes, the exact amount of cream they put on the trifle... Would his Mum’s feast measure up?

Unfortunately after our years together he was able to cut through the shit and get to the root of it - which was that perhaps going to my partner’s family home for Christmas would signify the end of an era. I was no longer a child and would therefore have to face being an adult and the complications and soul searching that comes with it… absolutely terrifying!

Present Problems

So, aside from the deep issues, for those in a couple there is the present problem. If at this economically depressing time you are lucky enough to have a job you may have some money saved, or even a Christmas bonus that, if you’re single, you can spend on that flirty party dress or put towards presents for your entire family.

This year my boyfriend and I have decided not to get each other presents as not only can we not afford to, we'd rather spend the money we have on trying to see each other. Although it’s been agreed, part of me wonders if it’s a charade and that, in the spirit of surprise, he will in fact be getting me a spectacular gift - which completely negates the agreement! Do I need to get him one just in case? Should I merely practice some ‘convincing’ excuses such as "I ordered it online, it hasn't arrived yet" or "it was too big to carry on the train" and justify any guilt induced cheek-rouging and sweats to overdoing it on the sherry trifle?

For those buying presents, for the GF/BF expectations are high. Being the person that supposedly knows you best, they are required to find a gift that stands out from the rest, whether it be in cost or sentiment. For courageous boyfriends buying clothes, although seemingly a wise choice, it’s a minefield. There will be heinous consequences should he get the wrong (larger) size or something that is not to their girl’s taste, inevitably leading to everyone’s favourite Christmas conversation: 'Do you really even know me? You don't ever listen to me!”

Independent Women

Yes, if you are luckily to have a boyfriend nearby you can wrap up in your chunky knits , stroll around the Winter Wonderlands, go hand in hand on the twinkling, fairy light decorated outdoor ice rinks, and act out many other clichéd winter romantic scenarios.

Although lovely, comforting and cockle warming it doesn't exactly have the thrill factor , which, depending on where you are in your life emotionally and mentally, will affect whether this is a problem. Although I enjoy having that special person in my life equally detest the thought of becoming simply a ‘we’ or an ‘us‘, and have become dedicated to stamping my independence and status as not just 'in a relationship' (thanks, Facebook) but also a person in my own right. Therefore unlike many of my friends who seem anatomically attached to their loved ones, I like to go to more than the occasional party without my boyfriend, feeling free to mingle and dance freely without the glare of protection (or jealousy).

Attached and Alone

Another problem that strikes people like me who are in relationships is when you cannot be with your loved ones on events such as New Year. Most of my best girl friends are very settled, living with boyfriends or engaged. Luckily there is still a large selection of my male friends who are single (and loving it) and a sprinkle of girlies too, so most of any New Year party will consist of boogying to cheese, the odd vile shot, general joviality but also the inevitable but dreaded midnight.

Those with partners will embrace and have the obligatory sloppy drunken snog, and then there are the single ones who will have spent much of the night scouring the venue looking for prospective kissing partners and who, as it draws nearer to midnight, will settle for any willing or drunk counterpart.

I on the other hand will be faced with a pity kiss on the cheek from a best friend’s partner or an anti-climatic hug a few minutes after the snogging has concluded. To avoid looking like a loser within the crowd, I will also manically call my boyfriend which due to network overcrowding (or whatever the technical term is) will be unsuccessful!

Enjoy Your Status
So for you singletons out there, rather than paying attention to articles such as 'How to Beat The Single Blues This Christmas', be joyous in your independence.

Enjoy while you can - as I can guarantee it wont be a permanent position - your single status; feel luminous when dressing up in that bejewelled dress you were able to treat yourself to, use the chilly weather as an excuse to snuggle up to the office hunk at the Christmas party, and although you may not be in love make sure you surround yourself with those you love.

I will try and embrace the positives of being a part of a twosome, be grateful that I have a choice of loved ones to share the special day with and finally admit I am no longer a naive child with blonde ringlets who leaves her autograph book out for Santa on Christmas Eve. Here’s to starting to live my complicated adult life to the full!