Uncle in Agony

28/08/08

Our angry young man with the mindset of a geriatric vents his spleen about the fairer sex, and charidee

Every young bachelor becomes accustomed to a lifestyle in which he holds a certain license over how and where he spends his time. Be that spending lazy afternoon umpiring the county cricket match on a sun-blessed village green, perusing a broadsheet on a wintry afternoon or even sampling in the delights of Beethoven’s Ninth blasting from the stereo speakers of a recently purchased Skoda Octavia (the spendthrift’s VW Golf).

That said, there comes a time when a man seeks a little companionship from the female of the species.

I mentioned to a lady with whom I had an appointment for courtship (a ‘date’ for those of you who prefer the American bastardisation) that there was a charity function taking place on Hampstead Heath that we could attend together. She replied to the affirmative and divulged that she had recently taken part in a fun run.

When I enquired as to the cause, she said it was something to do with the Saddam.

- Saddam Hussein? The megalomaniac despot...surely not?
- Megla WHAT? No, silly, Saddam is a region in Africa. They’re starving.
- Oh, the Sudan. I see.
- Whatever, anyway, I lost half a stone in training.

A tad perturbed by her dubious knowledge of world affairs, I buried my concern under a veneer of gentlemanly politeness. We proceeded hand in hand underneath a great banner proclaiming ‘Feed Their Mouths’ into an event collecting for famine in China.

I was aghast to see that in order to raise money for the starving Chinese, fundraisers had been sponsored to eat as many spring rolls as they could within a minute. Needless to say, my romantic companion didn’t quite spot the irony of fickle do-gooders gorging themselves in the name of food shortage, and it’s a pity she didn’t.
We may have a social responsibility towards those in less fortunate circumstances and, yes, the end may justify the means. However, let me ask you this; aren’t our efforts completely undermined when we lose sight of the cause over some gimmick employed to raise sufficient funds? Perhaps we’re all too busy in our ivory towers watching Lenny Henry tell jokes and Bob Geldof making songs to really consider the relevance of our ‘charitable deeds’.