Football News (For Girls)

Dan Kerins

28/08/08

This week's lady-friendly tongue in cheek footie round up!

Well the Dutch Master known as Steve McLaren finally came back to his native Eng-er-land this week after the now infamous interview which had football fans up and the UK talking about “schmoke and a pancake”.

Sadly for him, his FC Twente side got whooped by Arsenal 4-0 at the Emirates Stadium. Theo Walcott (Mr Melanie Slade) looked particularly cute with his ‘almost grown-up’ sideburns. Bless. He also scored, but whether or not it was on the pitch or when he got home, I’ll leave to you to decide.

Whining nancy boy heart throb Cristiano Ronaldo has seen his world record for the most tedious transfer saga in history smashed by the whining nancy boy Hungarian Dimitar Berbatov. By the time you read this finely constructed piece of prose, his transfer to Manchester United from Tottenham Hotspur still won’t have gone through, despite the saga starting exactly 34 years ago.

The long-lost eighth dwarf – also known as Shaun Wright-Phillips – has been told he may go back to where he came from (erm, Manchester) after failing to impress new Chelsea boss Felipe ‘Big Phil’ Scolari. Wright-Phillips – all two foot seven inches of him – has been attracting interest from his former club Manchester City and Everton too. But we’re pretty sure SWP has asked himself the question “Why would I want to go up north when I can do sod all in London and get around £60k a week?”

Even a footballer couldn’t get that answer wrong, could they?